“Famolo strano”: Carlo Verdone’s famous joke seems to be the best therapy – together with “let’s do it often” – to keep passion alive even in the phase of waning hormones.
This is also supported by a serious study by Chapman University, California, published in The Journal of Sex Research.
40,40 participants over <> were involved: “The happiest couples have frequent sex, practice oral sex and other variations, and communicate,” comments David Frederick, the head of the research. Who also analyzed “the variety”: showering together, sexy lingerie, sex toys, stimulation, massages, deep kisses, new positions, fantasies told or implemented.
“It’s encouraging to find that more than a third of couples have kept their passion alive for more than two decades,” said Janet Leva, co-author of the study. “But it doesn’t happen on autopilot: couples have put effort into avoiding routine.”
Even more so when women enter a new season of femininity: menopause. That even today is sometimes feared as a threshold beyond which passion, sex and sensuality begin an inexorable decline.
But that’s a mistake. Violeta Benini, midwife, comments: “The average life span for women today is 84 years. With this perspective – 35-40 years without menstruation, how much or more than fertile life – we cannot imagine menopause as a boundary that, once crossed, makes us another woman.
It is true that the changes due to the collapse of estrogen are there, but the desire does not depend only on hormones.
Even if there is some difficulty, it is important not to dramatize: “A quick response solution is vaginal lubricants, which should be seen as a game: there are many, water-based or silicone-based, fragrant or neutral, natural without parabens or other chemicals.
It is a world worth exploring, and can give pleasant sensations even to those who do not have any problem of dryness.
If things are more complex, the pelvic floor is no longer toned and participatory during sexual intercourse, it is useful to consult a midwife who can assess the situation and suggest a series of gymnastics exercises, even with the help of balls and vaginal cones that act as training “weights”.
The quality of the report can only improve
Antonio Canino, gynecologist, and Nicla Vozzella, counselor, have written together a book of ad hoc advice, Menopause, living well the change (Giunti editorie).
“The most important change in sexuality is the end of frenzy,” comments Nicla Vozzella. “Also because often even the partner – long-standing or new – is just as mature: the woman has some lubrication problems, but even for the man the erection may no longer be super sprint. But these are mechanical difficulties that can be overcome. And if the lack of speed is compensated by the quality of the relationship, intimacy gains».
In the bedroom, naturalness counts: «Focus on pampering, slow down the pace, massage yourself with fragrant essences, gratefully welcome everything that arrives».
Antonio Canino adds: “I confirm: menopause is mostly taken badly by women. Also because of gynecologists, because it has been increasingly medicalized, recalling the need for preventive screening, replacement therapies pushed or, vice versa, condemned, osteoporosis risk, cardiac danger … But in a spiritual vision of existence, to grow is to improve and enrich oneself. The more mature the person, the more experienced he is and the more he is worth. Even in bed. Especially if sexual intercourse is not experienced as a performance, but as an exchange of energies, a transmission of well-being. Waning desire is also a false myth. The truth? It is mainly males over fifty – who often do not even know the female body – who have problems with sex, not menopausal women. The problem is sometimes the lack of self-esteem, which makes the woman feel old: if you stop having sex or you rarely do it, the vagina tends to “close” and yes they are pains». So what? So more sex, less… pause!
Many treatments for the intimacy of couples
One in two Italians after menopause suffers from pain during sexual intercourse, according to the EU Revive study.
“The most effective treatments for vulvar and vaginal atrophy – the thinning of the walls of the vagina that become more fragile and less lubricated due to estrogen deficiency, with burning, itching and inflammation – are hormonal,” explains gynecologist Alessandra Graziottin.
“Local estrogens (estriol, promestriene, conjugated estrogens), combined with a testosterone ointment (galenic, on prescription) that rekindles the physical response even more. For those who do not want hormones even vaginal and for women who have been operated for breast, ovarian or uterine cancer there are vaginal hyaluronic acid, colostrum gel, various phytotherapeutic creams and even oral drugs ».
Another possibility, the vaginal CO2 laser that reduces disorders related to menopause, inducing the production of new collagen and the regeneration of aged fibers, remodeling and rehydrating the mucosa.
It is a safe and minimally invasive technique, which brings the physiological state of the vaginal walls back to normal without contraindications even for those who have undergone oncological therapies.
Joycelyn Elders is the author and creator of EmpowerEssence, a health and wellness blog. Elders is a respected public health advocate and pediatrician dedicated to promoting general health and well-being.
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