Men and women, everyone can suffer from sexual performance anxiety. First of all we investigate our psyche.
Fear of failure, of disappointing and of making mistakes, but also tensions, little complicity and lack of stimuli can hinder sexual relations. Often problems manifest themselves in the body, but in reality they arise within the mind; For this reason, the psychologist can help much more than drugs.
Men and women, adults and teens, all can suffer from sexual performance anxiety. This problem, often considered purely male because in men it is accompanied by obvious problems such as difficulty in erection and premature ejaculation, can, in reality, also affect the other sex.
Failure to achieve pleasure often has only one big enemy: anxiety. As with all forms of performance anxiety, at its base are the fear of facing performance itself and failing.
The possibility of making mistakes, not satisfying or disappointing the partner and not living up to his expectations plays a fundamental role in this process.
Tensions within the couple, fear of confrontation with the partner’s previous relationships and forms of depression or insecurity also lead to a blockage. In fact, anger, emotional wounds and frustration can have extremely negative effects on sexuality and, consequently, on what happens in the bedroom; Desire and passion, for example, can drop significantly and achieving an erection can become more difficult.
On the other hand, stress and worries about other everyday problems can also shift attention preventing you from focusing on your partner or performance.
We cannot forget how, in the specific case of men, it is also the impossibility of hiding a problem such as erectile dysfunction (often referred to as impotence) from the partner.
This causes male confidence and self-esteem to be highly at risk; As a result, a disappointing first performance can be experienced as a real failure and turn into a failure that is very difficult to metabolize and overcome.
What you can enter, in short, is a real vicious circle of fear and worry in which the subconscious literally prevents you from achieving a satisfactory erection and limits desire and excitement during subsequent sexual intercourse.
Physical manifestations of mental distress
Both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are disorders that can depend exclusively on anxiety, at the base of which there can be a real physiological problem.
But it can also happen that a psychological malaise overlaps with organic problems, amplifying them.
Identifying the real cause of the problem is essential to solve it and address it in the most appropriate way.
From a strictly physical point of view, the erection of the penis is due to the release of the smooth muscles of the blood vessels, which allows the flow of blood into the so-called cavernous bodies. Certain diseases (such as diabetes, hypertension and cardiovascular diseases), prostate surgery, taking certain medications, alcohol abuse, nicotine and some drugs can hinder this mechanism, compromising sexual health and well-being.
Equally important can be the role played by the mind, in particular by anxiety: entering a state of agitation or tension before sexual intercourse can cause the erection to be weak or even absent.
Premature ejaculation – a problem typically associated with emotional stress that significantly reduces the duration of sexual intercourse – can also be one of the symptoms of male performance anxiety.
Reaching orgasm before penetration or immediately after it is almost always a psychological problem.
Beware, however, of excessive alarmism: in many cases the brevity of the relationship may simply be due to a state of hyperexcitement.
Remedies against performance anxiety
At the beginning of the twentieth century, when doctors began to deal with the problems associated with performance anxiety, it was believed that at the base of the disorders of the sexual sphere with which men could have to do there were autoeroticism at a young age and too intense sexual activity as adults.For this reason, the prescription was essentially always the same: avoid masturbating when young and reduce the number of sexual intercourse.
Today the situation is very different. In fact, once the false beliefs that hovered on the subject were overcome, psychologists and other specialists began to direct the study and treatment of these problems aiming at achieving the most important goal: to restore sexual functions and, at the same time, act on emotions to recover the ability to feel pleasure during intercourse.
A therapy that involves using drugs that facilitate erection can correct the symptom without, however, eliminating the cause.
In fact, the medicines currently available are able to induce erection by promoting the blood supply to the penis through the inhibition of the contraction of the smooth muscles of the blood vessels of the penis.
If, however, the dysfunction is secondary to another disease, for example diabetes or a form of anxiety, only by treating the latter can the problem really be solved.
Recent studies have revealed that these drugs help improve self-confidence and therefore performance, if the dysfunction is of psychological origin.
In any case, it is always better to contact a specialist first: andrologist or urologist, or psychologist or sexologist, depending on the case.
In addition, these drugs must be prescribed by a doctor who, after carrying out a clinical evaluation, will be able to indicate the most suitable product for different situations.
Talking to an expert could also help you come to the realization that, in reality, what you need is not a pill, but psychological support that helps reduce anxiety and negative thoughts associated with sexual intercourse.
Sometimes it may not be necessary a real psychotherapy: receiving, during an interview with the psychologist, simple information, reassurances or advice on the use of contraceptives or on texts to read, could be enough to eliminate the stress at the base of the problems experienced in intimate life.
In other cases, however, the best choice is to rely on a psychotherapist.
Fight performance anxiety with natural remedies
Another way to overcome performance anxiety and address the root causes of the consequences is to rely on natural remedies that can help fight precisely the forms of anxiety. Let’s see some of them.
Valerian officinalis | Valerian root products are among the most recommended; contain active ingredients with a relaxing action |
Passiflora incarnata | Natural remedy with sedative properties, it can be useful both in the treatment of anxiety both in case of real panic attacks |
Rhodiola rosea | Useful both against anxiety and against stress |
Withania somnifera (also known as Indian ginseng or winter cherry) | Useful both against anxiety and against stress |
Hypericum perforatum (commonly known as St. John’s wort, St. John’s wort or devil-chaser) | It is associated with real antidepressant properties that They could also be useful to overcome performance anxiety |
When it is the woman who suffers
Less known, but rather frequent, is the problem of performance anxiety in women. One in five Italians suffers from it. In this case the blocking mechanism is much more psychological and introspective than physical, and does not necessarily correspond to an inability to complete the relationship but, rather, to the establishment of a sense of discomfort.
The fear of a possible pregnancy when you do not want children and sexually transmitted diseases often causes a decrease in desire. Routine, a too stressful lifestyle and the fear of disappointing your partner can also lead to lack of concentration and vaginismus and prevent you from reaching orgasm.
According to experts, even a lifestyle increasingly similar to that of men, with the habit of smoking and alcohol consumption, as well as an excessive dedication to work, contribute to the spread of this problem also in the female universe.
The greatest risk is run by women in whom the menstrual cycle is more abundant and can cause anemia. In addition, at the base of the problem there may be strong hormonal changes.
For these reasons, a valid help can come from the intake of the contraceptive pill, especially the so-called organic pill, on the market in Italy for about a year, which specifically helps to overcome these disorders.
In addition to possible medical intervention, it is essential to share the problem with your partner to improve intimacy. A positive attitude, made of confidence, irony, complicity and atmosphere can favor understanding.
Moreover, even if the disorder is purely physical, as in the case of pain during intercourse (the so-called dyspareunia), at its base there may actually be a psychological problem. In these cases, contacting the gynecologist is useful to exclude the possible physiological causes of pain, but the most widespread solution is a psychological approach aimed at relaxation.
Mens sana in corpore sano
Whether the problem is male or female, as well as from medical and psychological supports, a great help to recover serenity in the sexual field can derive from a healthy lifestyle, for example from the point of view of diet, which must be rich in antioxidants and low in fat. In addition, it is important to counteract any problems of insomnia and promote relaxation and the practice of physical activity, which facilitate arousal.
Joycelyn Elders is the author and creator of EmpowerEssence, a health and wellness blog. Elders is a respected public health advocate and pediatrician dedicated to promoting general health and well-being.
The blog covers a wide range of topics related to health and wellness, with articles organized into several categories.