How many lies under those sheets

Betrayals and pornography are unspeakable truths, especially for men.

Male betrayal is a constant in the story, to the point that generally now, the faithless man is almost no longer news. Unless of course he is a celebrity or a star of the show.

The problem is that the lies, on the part of the male, do not concern only any love escapades or flirtations. Male identity is strongly focused on sex: for this reason, men find it difficult to tell their stories and open up to their partners.

Secrets that are hard to share

For Groucho Marx, “there is only one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him. If he says yes, it means that he is rotten.” A paradox that applies above all to the topic “sex”.

“Male identity – explains Adele Fabrizi, psychotherapist and sexologist at the Institute of Clinical Sexology of the Sapienza University of Rome – is largely based on the genitals”. From an early age, men tend to maintain a certain sense of modesty on everything related to sex.

“Just think of the differences, between males and females, in the transition to adult life: the first menstruation, for girls, is an event to be shared with the mother; The first ejaculation of boys is not, however, told to anyone.”

From that first moment of transition onwards, men tend to keep hidden everything related to the sexual sphere: from the use of pornography to masturbation, from sexual experiences that took place before the current relationship to performance anxieties. All.

“Past loves,” explains the psychologist, “are often not revealed to avoid arousing jealousy and quarrels, but also to maintain a certain aura of mystery.” And when, instead, there is not much to tell, the speech is avoided so as not to lose face. “Man needs to conform to the social figure that represents him as the prince charming, the seducer who never fails. A stereotype that still exists.”

On porn sites without leaving a trace

“Even autoeroticism and pornography, although very frequent, cannot be revealed,” Fabrizi continues, “because men and women give different values to masturbation.” All hell can break out within the couple if you find out.

“Male masturbation is often experienced by the woman as a subtraction, something that is taken away from the relationship. For man, however, it is something more.”

There are still few women who conceive pornography as separate from the relationship. Most feel betrayed when they find out that the mate frequents hot sites.

Finally, performance anxieties. “They are unmentionable,” says the sexologist, “because man must always appear self-confident, without cracks. Revealing fears and insecurities would be a symptom of weakness that could undermine the relationship.

The primacy remains with men

Most betrayals happen during the lunch break. Then with a colleague. And, always analyzing the numerous surveys conducted on the subject, it seems that there are very few faithful husbands: 67.3% of Italian men cheat on their wife without any remorse. Although the escapade of the wife is increasing, it is still men who hold the primacy. The critical age is between 48 and 55 years for men, around 44 years for women.

Until a few years ago it was the stone of scandal and led straight to divorce, but today it is no longer so. On the contrary, those who, after overcoming a betrayal, think that the couple is more united than before are growing.